idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
