how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
