I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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