I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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