I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
