I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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