I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
