Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
