If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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