i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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