Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
