____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
