I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
