He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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