What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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