I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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