i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drake has all the answers
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
