she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
