What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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