I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
