when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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