so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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