You made me cry and you don't even care
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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