we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
