Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tell her she can't have a vagina
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
this hospital has no fireball
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
