"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
