the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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