He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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