Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
