Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
