I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
pray to the hookup gods
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
