There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
