Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
