mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
