I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
