You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
