hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
