you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
