when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
