My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
