So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I would fuck him just for his dog
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
