It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just puked most of my soul out..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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