I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
