I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
