Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
