look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
