how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
