So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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