I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
