I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
