I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
